6. silent

Please forgive me. I know not what I do.

Sleeping, watching, letting go.
Hands unattached, hatching plans and scheming.
I speak your name, but there is no change.
You walk through the hall and collapse on the floor.
Tears sink into the carpet.
Someone must have hurt you so badly.

am i sleeping?

I float through walls and ceilings, touching you, trying to wipe your tears away.
But I am but a breeze, my once calloused hands now transparent, weak.
what is happening to me? i scream as loud as my lungs will allow, but there is no sound.

Just then i see, i am not me.
I am removed from form. A visitor in my own home.
I am just a ghost. A spectator.
He enters the room, grabs her by the hair, and spits in her face.
She is scared and weak, panicked and breathless.
He punishes her, forces her down, and shames her.
I leap to react, but I am held back, eyes pulled wide, I must watch.

Fires, burn bright, his voice comes calling from above.
"Gaze upon the horror you have wrought.
A battered woman, daughter and son.
Share their pain as it passes through them.
From your own hand, to your own soul.
Let us see how this unfolds..."

I sit, unmoving, unwavering, in awe of the atrocity.
My body frozen in disgust.
I see now that I am the monster.
I destroy and corrupt.
My hate has ruined lives, it has brought me here, to this home.
I am being punished, forced to witness my own hell.
I see what I have to become, and like a pheonix I must rise.
I push myself up off the ground, and I scream "I will"
I step into my own shadow and become myself again.
I see the fear in her eyes, and I know what I must do.
I scream to God and I scream to her.
I beg for forgiveness and for courage.
And with every inch of my strength I turn upon myself.
Tearing my skin and snapping the bones.
I wish not to be in this shell any longer.

Dismantle me, and burn me for what I have done.
Let this be the end of it.
I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry I loved you.

Do not pity me.
Forget me.
Silent now.
I am dead.